The Darkness Within
by Larxenethefirefly
Summary: While Sora may seem like his normal self, he is struggling with inner turmoil. Luckily, Kairi is able to help him for once. SoKai.


Just a little something I wrote at ten 'o clock last night. I decided to put a different spin on Sora's personality- I wanted to make him more human, not so happy-go-lucky. Come on, everyone has an internal battle now and then. Why shouldn't he be any different? :D

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I know that I'm just a dreamer,_

_A common man, schemer,_

_Looking for light,_

_Out of the dark night_

_Of my soul_

-From the song _Nothing but Love To Prove_ By Faith Hill

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There weren't very many things Sora hated, but the things he did hate he did so with a passion.

The first thing was, of course, the heartless. The very embodiments of darkness themselves, they were the reason behind all of the pain, all of the torment the worlds had suffered. They were the reason his very life had been changed; the horrors he had seen, the overwhelming loss he had experienced, the excruciating pain that had come with betrayal. Though this could have happened in ordinary life, the greatest change of all was the burden placed upon him when he became the hero of the Keyblade. At the young age of twelve, when he should have been climbing palm trees and chasing Kairi with the small red crabs that she had despised so much, he had been thrust into an adventure far beyond his comprehension and still managed to escape with only a little understanding of his destiny. It was a wonder how he had been able to carry it for so long; his friends admired him for it, but only he knew of the times when, alone in the night, he broke down and cried for all he had lost, and all he had yet to lose. If only the heartless didn't exist, if only he could simply forget and make everything go away…. If only he could simply throw away his loyalty to his heart and run away from it all! But no… no matter how hard he cried or cursed this burden, he would always force the tears back and hide behind the smile and the laugh.

_He's lying on the beach, simply listening to the crash of the waves as the hit the beach. For once, he had taken it for granted, but not now. Now, he's content to let hours pass this way, simply letting the salty ocean breeze caress his face and the fine grains of sand run through his fingers._

_He hears Kairi calling for him, and he turns his head slightly, smiling as she pulls up in the small rowboat. Even though they are no longer children, this island is still a special place for them- and they still gather here to reclaim their lost time. As he sits up to greet her, one wave sounds like the rumble of thunder; for a moment he can't breathe, the horror of that night flooding his eyes. The heartless are everywhere, he can't defend himself, Kairi's gone, where's Kairi? Riku, why did you betray me? Why are you leaving me, too…?_

_Kairi's voice cuts through the memory, and he gasps, shaking his head to clear it. Even though he's now smiling and running over to her, there's a haunted look hidden under his cheerful expression which betrays the conflicting emotions within him…_

The second thing was hurting his friends. When Kairi and then Riku had been taken from him, he had felt so alone and abandoned he couldn't comprehend his dilemma. If it weren't for Cid, Leon, and the others who he had met at Hollow Bastion he would have easily given up and let the heartless claim him. And seeing Kairi reduced to a mere shell, without that spirited, jovial smile and attitude he had grown to love nearly broke his heart and drove him to a state of frenzy to free her. With little regard to health, rest, or well-being, he had rocketed after her time after time, fighting through the confusion of Riku's betrayal and the aching of his heart to see Kairi so lifeless. After he had freed her from the Organization's clutches and returned to Destiny Islands, he had sworn to never let her go… but how long could that promise last? How long until his destiny shoved him into another adventure that threatened his life, as well as the life of his friends?

_Riku couldn't join them today; Tidus and Wakka had recruited him for their Blitzball game and he couldn't turn them down. Though Sora would normally have given anything to have some private time with Kairi, today he just didn't feel like it. Today was, after all, the anniversary of when his adventures first started; and everything he looks at just reminds him of it. A reluctant hero on a dangerous quest, with no guarantee of ever seeing his loved ones again…_

And finally, he hated the darkness within himself. He could feel it in his heart, the very thing that drove his anger and hate toward everything that had destroyed his world, the very thing that gave him his passion to change things. Without it, he would have never survived, but so long as he had it the heartless would still exist. He hadn't always been aware of it; only when he himself as experienced life as a heartless had he even realized it was there. The thought terrified him; how could he stop the darkness in the worlds if he couldn't even stop the darkness within himself? If Light couldn't exist without Dark, how could he ever hope to change things? It was like making Life exist without Death; pretty to dream about, but impossible to achieve. His quest had been useless from the start if nothing was going to change that fact. Darkness would always exist within the heart of humans, and therefore evil would always exist as well. The evil within him would consume him one day eventually as well, just as it had consumed Xehanort, as well as Ansem and Xemnas. Even Riku had given into his own evil at one point. Sora could only fear the day he would have to as well.

_Kairi laughs, dragging him to the small island where he and Riku practiced swordplay, exclaiming over the way the light hit the water, making it shine with an otherworldly light. Though it was pretty, he thought the way her eyes shone was even more radiant. They were always filled with their own light, their own beauty that he could never get enough of. Gently taking her hand, he gave her a small smile, the urge to bury his head in her shoulder and cry shoving up to the surface. He shuddered, turning to hide the movement, but she caught it anyway. Her expression changed to one of worry, and she gently touched his shoulder with her free hand, all of her love pouring into him with that one gesture._

These three things were constantly conflicting inside of him, threatening to engulf him at any moment. Though he knew that he shouldn't be worried about it, that it would work itself out eventually, he couldn't stop. The truth was he felt guilty. The darkness was within him because he allowed it to be there, his friends were hurt because he wasn't able to protect them despite his strength, and the heartless existed because he wasn't able to find the threat before it appeared. He knew it wasn't humanly possible to prevent the latter, but the first two were easily changed. He only had to be a little faster, and little stronger, a little more cunning, and he could protect them. And he only had to accept his bad qualities and work to change them to get rid of the darkness. But wasn't everything easier said than done? He had been struggling with the darkness ever since he had discovered it. Though Riku had gone through the same struggle, there was one main difference between them- Sora could never, ever, allow any darkness to gain sway over him. As the keywielder of light, he could not afford to accept the darkness at all. His shadow was already great; one little push was all that was required to tip him into it. His friends had always said he trusted too easily, and that was one of his greatest weaknesses- he was easily swayed. If he let the darkness tempt him, he couldn't guarantee he wouldn't listen.

_Kairi was speaking now, softly asking if he was alright. He nodded absently, forcing the smile back into place. Her eyes told him she didn't believe him. His smile faltered, and though he wanted to tell her everything, he simply blamed it on being tired. She didn't believe him, but didn't press the issue, instead deciding to shove him into the water. With a yell she jumped in after him, laughing; spitting out water, he spluttered in indignation, but his anger was short-lived as she began giggling and splashing him with water. Not to be outdone, he splashed back, and soon they were both soaking wet and shivering, but more light-hearted then before._

How he wished that he didn't have to struggle with it anymore! As he looked at his friends, all blissfully unaware of his internal battle, he envied their simple enjoyment and carefree attitudes. Looking through their eyes, he was still the naïve child who was always rushing into things without considering the consequences, but only after looking further did one actually sense the struggle. Wading in self-pity, guilt, and fear, Sora was trapped in a pit of his own creation. With nowhere to turn, he was locked inside his own prison, too afraid to create the key, scared of what lay on the other side of the door. Was it light? Dark? A world of both? He didn't want to find out. So he cowered there, unable to move, calling silently out for help to anyone who could just save him from this endless suffering.

_As they made it to shore, they collapsed on the sand, panting. The sand stuck to their clothes and coated their hair, but they didn't mind, knowing that they would dry soon anyway and it would fall off. Indeed, it was only a matter of minutes before the sun worked its magic and they were exactly the same as before, except for the grains of sand that had worked their way under their clothes and irritatingly rubbed their skin. Kairi had the worst of it; she was constantly scratching herself or rubbing her arms. Letting her go into the shack to clean herself off, Sora wandered down the beach, kicking a few fallen coconuts as he went. Noticing the old raft they had planned to sail away on, he gently ran his hands over the wood, wondering how they had put such faith in the crude vessel. Laughing to himself, he let himself imagine what it would have been like._

The friends and memories he had gained from his travels were the only grip on sanity he had left. Whenever it became too overwhelming he would simply think of them, and it would fade back into a dull ache, hovering just out of sight and waiting to pounce again. Now, he was constantly replaying the images in his mind. But they were slowly losing their vitality; soon they would just be mundane images, something he had seen thousands of times and held no meaning. Then he would be forced to find a new way to hold it at bay; always running from it, never being able to confront his own fears as easily as the others believed. In truth he was a coward. A person's most deadly enemy is himself; indeed, Sora could vouch for that statement. All of the emotions that one carried could easily be the reason their lives end. The fear that prevents a person from moving; the love that blinds them from the truth; the guilt that sends them on impossible tasks; and the hate that turns them into animals, only bent on revenge, and after that, destruction. The heart carried all of these; a heavy burden in itself, the cause of his life, but also the plausible reason for death. Still, he couldn't betray it. It had always seen him through the most difficult of times; leading him straight to the ones he loved. Why would he start to doubt it now? After everything he had been through, why should he cast it aside?

_The sand muffles the sound of her footsteps, so he doesn't hear her approach. Only when she drapes her arms over his shoulders is he aware of her presence; feeling the pressure of her chin on her head, he closes his eyes, trying to contain his feelings. Kairi doesn't seem to notice; her arms clasp him, cocooning him in. For once, he feels safe; she's giving him strength, and he accepts it, drawing out as much as he can, unable to stop._

_She begins to sing, quietly, a melody he had never heard but recognized somewhere in the depths of his soul. It was a haunting melody, stirring up deep and powerful emotions he didn't know existed. Finally, he could no longer take it; slowly, haltingly, he began to share his fears, his thoughts, his secrets; she didn't interrupt, just simply stayed and listened, allowing him this one moment of weakness. And, when he's all done, she simply lets him cry, continuing to hold him, her own tears mingling with his. She doesn't feel sorry for him; instead she shares his pain, shares the burden he must carry within her own heart. Only when his tears dry does she whisper to him, as soft as the summer wind, soothing his heart and mind. No, she does not reassure him with words of better days; instead she simply says that she knew. She knew what he was going through, and even without saying so he knew she would always support him, no matter what he was going through._

Yes, he couldn't cast it aside. It was too important in every aspect of his life, for without it he would have never grown to love his friends so much, never would have been able to last as long as he had. Though one day it may be the reason his life would end, it would not be in vain. His heart could never lead him astray so long as he listened to it and had the hearts of his friends beside him as well. They were always connected by a bond, one that was invisible but there nonetheless. Nothing could break it, and not for the first time he realized how special it was. He didn't want to destroy those bonds, and as he grabbed onto them, he finally realized that truly, he wasn't alone. Even though his prison seemed impossible to break, he knew it could be done. No longer did he hesitate- gripping the key tightly in his hand he unlocked the door and walked out into the light.

_Kairi touched his shoulder, and as she smiled at him, he knew everything would be alright. She held out her hand, and he didn't hesitate to take it; as she helped him up, he felt like a new person, someone who would walk confidently toward the horizon, awaiting whatever lay before him. And with Kairi by his side, he knew that he would continue to do so for the rest of his days._

_Still holding hands, they walked toward the sunset together, prepared for whatever destiny had in store for them._

There weren't very many things Sora hated, and those that he did hate he did so with passion; but the things he loved were more plentiful and stronger by far.

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So, what did you think? This was the first time I attempted anything angsty, or remotely close to it, so I hope it turned out ok. Please review and tell me what you think!


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